Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize