Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
