you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
