Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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