chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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