Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize