1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize