Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
