**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize