Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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