Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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