Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
