I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
