I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sorry my hands just texted you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
