I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
