Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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