I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
