I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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