I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
