Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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