you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
