ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
