i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize