Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
