Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
