I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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