I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
