I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
