So drunk, too bad you don't want this
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
