The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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