Don't make out with my wife yet
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize