worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
