Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
