Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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