I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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