I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
