i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
