I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
