My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
