Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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