There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
