i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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