goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Too much gin, very little bucket
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
