Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
