Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
