Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
