We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
