Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
