Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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