Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord

Fav 10 3139 972
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(630): View more from Illinois

Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.

Fav 63 3703 1572
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(240): View more from Maryland

I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.

Fav 17 1871 5489
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(815): View more from Illinois

I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

Fav 35 2156 7108
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(904): View more from Florida

You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.

Fav 9 2192 930
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(541): View more from Oregon

I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.

Fav 4 2335 789
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(302): View more from Delaware

are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life

(860): View more from Connecticut

.....a litte

Fav 6 1498 743
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(613): View more from Ontario

Hold me and let me compliment your butt

Fav 0 354 112
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(585): View more from New York

Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.

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