After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
