Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
