Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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