Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
