I don't usually arrange sex via text message
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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