I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
