Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
