He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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