You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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