was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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