she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
