Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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