You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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